a little of this... a little of that...

So, FINALLY the day has arrived... That is, AF came to visit.  Man, I haven't missed the cramps and "yucky" feeling that goes along with her visits...  BUT, this means I was able to call and schedule my HSG.  (hys-something- salpinogy) or something like that...

Hysterosalpingogram: OK there, that is the technical term for it, I was way off!

I go for my testing next Wednesday afternoon... So, fingers crossed, I will have news (good OR bad) to share.

I do have to make a comment on here... And, right now there are only like 2 people reading this and I am pretty sure both have a good idea of what I am dealing with BUT, nothing else drives me crazy than someone who tells me, "Oh, just give up, or relax and it will happen..." I always am polite and say thank you, etc.  It just drives me BATTY... I CAN get pregnant, hints the miscarriage and 2 ectopic pregnancies.  I am just having some "tubal" issues... So, relaxing isn't going to help my scarred fallopian tubes magically unscar, and "giving up" isn't going to help any little embryo find my uterus before deciding one of my two tubes is a better place to "latch on."  I appreciate people trying to sympathize, and empathize but its frustrating as all get out to have people try to explain what to do.  We got's the birds and the bees part down...

I do have to admit I was a little harsh last week when a co-worker asked me when we (my hubby and myself) were going to have little ones... My exact words were, "When I can come up with $15,000 for In-vitro, because there is no possible way it is going to happen any other way."  She looked at me almost cross-eyed and said, "You never know... You just never know."  So, if that was you, I apologize... 

I am to the point now that I am tired of explaining that I am different than most others that struggle with infertility... I ovulate (day 14 to be exact) and have very regular cycles (every 27 days).  I just have tubes that are scarred, from what, I don't know... And that causes a problem.

I feel like I am venting I am almost done, I PROMISE...

The absolute worst thing about struggling is the fact that people are actually scared or worried about telling you they are pregnant.  I want to be excited with you, rejoice in the blessing God has given you.  I want to be one of the first to know, and want to find out like anyone else would.  I don't want it to be a big deal... I love the fact that my friends and family are expanding their own families, it just hurts to think that others are scared to share their news. I can take the news like a champ, I am great with that... I might go home and cry but that is not something to worry about.  I am not jealous, I will not resent you, God has an ultimate plan for all of our lives...  I am reading a book right now called, "Hannah's Hope" by Jennifer Saake, and it has been super helpful.  It is written so that not only women struggling with infertility can read it but that their family and friends can read and understand.  One of the "Burden Bearers" (which are the people who are the support for the infertile reading the book) it talks about asking someone struggling with infertility HOW they would like to find out if you become pregnant.  I think that is GREAT... All you have to do is ask...

"Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned  with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone." Colossians 4:6